I Regret So Much
by CatchingPeeta
Summary: One Shot & Kind of a Song Fic. No Catching Fire, no Mockingjay. After the Hunger Games. My take on what would happen between Peeta and Katniss and how they would grow together. Please read! Better than it sounds, I promise.


**This is a story, based on the song 'Crash and Burn' by Elise Estrada. The song is amazing and I recommend that you all listen to it. (:**

**PS. This story is after the Hunger Games. There is no Catching Fire, and no Mockingjay. This is just my take on what would happen after the Games. :D  
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**Enjoy!**

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I screwed everything up. Peeta didn't want anything to do with me because I didn't know where I wanted our relationship to go. And Gale doesn't want anything to do with me as well because I kissed and was all over Peeta.

Why don't they just understand?

When all the parades and ceremonies were over when Peeta and I arrived back home, I tried to go and talk to him. He didn't want to talk to me though. He thinks I played him. I didn't play him. I tried to save his life. He needs to understand.

And when I went to go speak with Gale, he gave me the cold shoulder and we got in this big argument about how I should be in love with him and not Peeta. I didn't even know if I was in love with anyone. Oh fuck it. I am in love. I'm in love with Peeta. I didn't realize it until I was laying down in my bed in the Victor's Village, and I missed the feeling of Peeta laying down next to me. Us all wrapped up in each others arms.

So I'm laying in bed, at around 3am, thinking about Peeta. And trying to come up with every little possibility that could make us talk again.

It's been about a month since we've been back from the Games, and that means a month since I've admitted to myself that I was in love with Peeta.

I stand up and put on my robe and slippers. My hair was out of a braid so my neck wouldn't get cold when I walked outside. Winter was just around the corner.

When I stepped outside, it was chilly. But it felt good. Felt better than suffocating in my own room.

I looked across the street and at Peeta's house. I was so tempted to just run over there and demand him to talk to me. But I know how that would work out. He'd ignore me. He's been ignoring me ever since we've gotten back. And it's killing me.

I see someone walk out the front door over at Peeta's house, and my heart skips a beat and then stops altogether. It's Peeta. What's he doing outside? Was he thinking about me too? Of course he wasn't. Why would he think about me? I'm not worth it. He could be thinking about more important things.

I see him look over here. I look down and then turn around. I shouldn't be getting my hopes up. He doesn't want anything to do with me. When I walk inside, I try my best not to cry. He saw me, and he didn't stop me from turning around and going inside. Why would he? I don't know why, but every time I see him, or hear his name, I think about all our memories, and I wonder if he thinks about me. Sometimes I even wonder if he even loves me still.

I hated how the Games have changed me so much.

Prim comes walking down the stairs and looks at me, I look down. She knows, hell, everyone knows that I'm in love with Peeta. Why doesn't he understand that I made a mistake? Everyone makes mistakes. He made a mistake in the arena. He hooked up with the Careers. Why can't I make one simple mistake and then try in my best power to take it back?

I ignore the disappointed look Prim gives me, and stomp up the stairs to my room. I shut the door and lean my forehead on the door and close my eyes.

Peeta is having such a huge impact on my life right now. I wonder how he's even dealing with all this. Is he heartbroken like me? Is he thinking about me like I think about him?

I walk over to my window and look out and over to Peeta's house. He's sitting on the sidewalk with his head in his hands. Maybe he is hurting. But why?

I look at over at the clock and see that it's 3:23. I open my door and sneak down the stairs. I know where I was going, hopefully he's awake.

When I get outside, I ignore Peeta. I make my way to Haymitch's house. I knock on his front door and I hear banging. I know he's awake, so I open the door and walk in. I find him in the kitchen throwing up in the sink. I don't care if he's throwing up from drinking too much, he's the only person I can talk to anymore that will listen.

"Hey sweetheart." He wipes his mouth with the backside of his hand, and sits down at the kitchen table. He's not looking too good. But if he didn't like throwing up, he'd stop drinking. So I guess he doesn't care.

"Hey." I sit down across from him. He looks at me and I know he knows I'm sad. And he knows what I'm sad about.

"I'm about to lock you two up in a closet and make you two work things out." He takes a sip of whatever he has in his flask. I scoff at Haymitch's idea and shake my head.

"He'd still ignore me." Haymitch shook his head.

"Now why would he ignore you?" I glare at him. Is he that stupid? He should really stop drinking.

"Oh I don't know. Maybe because he hates me." I roll my eyes. He should really think about things before saying them out loud.

"Trust me, he doesn't hate you. He's probably just as hurt and messed up about this like you are." Was Haymitch right? Was Peeta messed up like I am?

"Well, he could come over whenever he wants and talk about things." I shrug my shoulders. Haymitch stands up and goes and throws up in the kitchen sink again. "Well, I'm going to go back over to my house. Let you throw up in peace." I stand up and walk out of Haymitch's house.

When I stepped outside, Peeta was standing on Haymitch's driveway. What is he doing over here? Heck, what am I doing over here? Haymitch was too busy puking anyways.

We stare at each other for a couple of seconds before I start walking away. When I walk past Peeta, I smell him. And it's all Peeta. You can smell the bakery, you can even smell the cologne he must have bought before leaving the Capitol.

I take a deep breath and keep walking with my head held high. I wanted Peeta to say something to me so bad, but I knew he wouldn't. I'm just too stupid for getting my hopes up. What I would do for Peeta to just say one word to me.

When I make it to my house, I don't go inside. I sit down on the porch swing we have and pull my knees up to my chest. My heart and mind are feeling weak. I don't even know what to think, or what to do.

Peeta is in and out of Haymitch's house in no more than 3 minutes. He probably thought going over there would be a good place to talk to someone, guess not right Peeta?

Before Peeta walks over to his house, he stares over at me. Then out of nowhere, he walks straight up to where I am. Is this a dream? I'm about to pinch myself on the arm, but Peeta sits down on the porch swing next to me. What do I even say? Do I say anything at all?

Finally, Peeta breaks the silence. "We need to talk." Yeah we did. He better not be just thinking about us talking. We've needed to talk to each other for about a month now. Where the hell has he been?

I nod. I know if I opened my mouth, I'd say something bad. I know I'd regret it the minute it would leave my mouth. Peeta claps his hands together and sighs and looks over at his house. I look over too and notice there's a light on in the window that I'm guessing is Peeta's room.

"I found someone," And my heart fell to my stomach. Was he kidding? I didn't know what to say. But I knew what to do. I looked over at Peeta, grabbed his face, and kiss him. I kiss him and everything that I've been feeling for the past month, is being poured into the kiss.

I pull back and stand up. I look down at him and his head is tilted down.

"Don't you get it? I love you." I didn't wait for him to respond. I walk into my house and slam the front door shut. I don't care who I woke up. I'm suffocating in District 12. I'm suffocating in this damn house. I'm suffocating even when I'm outside.

I walk upstairs to my room, and put on my hunting gear. I haven't been out in the woods in about two weeks. And right now, that was my only escape from District 12.

I walked out the back door and to the woods. I didn't dare take the front door, Peeta might still be out front in shock. I was in shock. Kissing him was the only thing I could think about. He wouldn't have listened to me any other way.

And he found someone? No one even told me he's found someone. What were the Capitol doing with this news? How long has everyone known? Was I the last one to find out about this secret love of his? I know what the Capitol is doing. They're planning on how to kill me now that Peeta and I are no longer together. If we were even together.

Sometimes, I wish I was still in the arena. I felt strong and Peeta was all mine while I was in there. Even though he was dying, we were together, alone. And no one came between us. Even if the kisses were to save his life and get sponsors. I did it for him. Everything I did in the arena, was for him. When I got in there, it was for Prim. And during the Games, it was for Rue. But towards the end, it was all for Peeta. I only thought about how to get Peeta and I out alive. And I did. But now everything is messed up. I messed everything up. And no one understands how sorry I am.

When I get to the spot where Gale and I hunted, I sit down on an old tree trunk. I don't know why I came out here really. I'm never going to truly escape from District 12. I'm stuck here forever. And the thought about staying in this hell hole district, is torturing.

When the sun starts to rise, I make my way back to District 12 and my home. I'm never going to leave. I'm never going to stop being suffocated. No matter in what part of the world I'm in.

When I'm back to my house, Prim and my mother are up. My mother gives me a small smile, and Prim doesn't even look up. I've disappointed Prim so much since I've been back. She's wanted me to tell Peeta how I've felt since the beginning. But she didn't understand. It isn't that easy. She is only 12.

"Another night with no sleep?" My mother asks me, looking at me with a worried expression.

"Like I'd sleep if I was up in my room anyways." She nodded. She knows I'm right. I could be anywhere, and not sleep. It's just, not important anymore. I wouldn't be able to sleep anyways.

My mother offered me pancakes, and I passed. Food wasn't a big favorite of mine either. I guess I was so use to not eating before, that I don't need to change and eat more. I'm fine not eating at all. Not like she'll ever push food on me anyways. Unless I'm dying from starvation that is.

I went upstairs and decided to take a shower. Wash all my worries away. Ha, if that were true, I'd be worry free for about 15 years. Maybe even longer than that.

The hot water felt good on my skin. All my bruises were faded, all my cuts were gone. If you looked at me and never watched the Games, you would think that I was never in them. My skin is flawless. But if you were crawling around in my head, you'd know for sure I was in the Hunger Games. The Games did a number on me on the inside.

I stepped out of the shower, and looked at myself in the long mirror. Again, I look practically brand new on the outside, but on the inside, I'm all over the place. I walked in my room and put on a long sleeve black top, and gray sweatpants. I left my hair down from it's usual braid. I want to be different today. And for the rest of my life. I'm not a fan of my hair being a braid. It reminds me of when Peeta played with it before we were about to eat the berries.

I walk back downstairs and notice my mother, nor Prim were here. I peak outside and see that they're talking to Mr. Mellark. Of course, a Mellark. I don't go out there, afraid someone will bring up Peeta and/or his new lover. I gag at the thought.

I sit down on the chair we have next to the sofa, and play with my fingers. I want to go out there, and see what they have to say. Maybe I'll find out who his lover is. Ugh, why am I saying lover? Maybe they're just really good friends? And Peeta has more than just friendship feeling for her? Ha! Sounds like what was going on between him and I in the arena and before the Games when we were at the Capitol.

Eventually, Prim and my mother come back in the house, my mother goes straight to her room, and Prim comes over and sits down on the sofa. I'm afraid to look at her, knowing she'll give me a disappointed look again like she did last night.

"He lied, ya know?" Prim whispers. I look up and stare at her. He? Whose he? Peeta?

"Who?" I look at her curiously. What is she talking about. And if it was Peeta, what did he lie about?

"Peeta. He lied. He doesn't have anyone knew. Him and I were talking a couple of days ago on how to get you to admit your feelings for him, and I told him to make up a fake love interest. He didn't believe me when I told him that you love him. I wanted to get it out of you. And I knew that if Peeta were to find someone, you'd admit it." I stare at her in disbelief. My little sister and Peeta came up with a way for me to admit my feelings for him?

"Why would you do that?" I was happy. Peeta didn't have anyone new. No lover or anything like that. And if Prim and him were talking about me, that means he does miss me, and he does think about me. Right?

"Because you wouldn't admit it to anyone. We had to get it out of you somehow. And we were right." She smiles at me, and then gets up and leaves.

So, Peeta's single? And he wants me? Well, I think. I mean, he was talking to Prim on how to get my feelings for him out of my mouth.

"Where's he at?" I call to Prim, where ever she's at in the house. I needed to see him, I needed to talk to him. I had so much to say.

"Over at his house." She calls back.

I don't care about shoes right now. I just care on how to get Peeta to be mine. And now that he knows I wasn't kidding, he can be mine. If he'll even take me back.

When I get to Peeta's house, I bang on his front door. I need him to answer the door faster.

He answers the door looking confused. Then when his eyes adjust to the brightness, he realizes that it's me. He smiles and opens the door for me to come in. I step inside. When he closes the door, I grab his arm so he's looking at me. His blue eyes meeting my gray ones.

"You lied." I whisper looking at his lips then back up to his eyes. He nods and pushes me up against the wall. He knows I want him. And I know he wants me. I swallow so the lump in my throat goes away. "So, you're single?" I give him a little smile.

"Yeah, but I'm willing to change that." And then he closes the distance between us and kisses me. This kiss is real. Every kiss we have had, was real.

When he pulls away, we're both out of breath. He leans and puts his forehead against mine.

"I love you, Katniss." He whispers. I pull away so our foreheads are no longer touching. His blue eyes are sparkling with happiness. I wonder how my eyes look to him.

"I love you." I whisper and wrap my arms around his neck. He places his hands on my hips and leans down and kisses me again. I'll never get tired of his lips against mine. Something about our lips touching, makes me feel like I'm flying. And it's just him and I.

I know Peeta and I belong together. We've always belonged together. He's known since he was five. I'm glad I sang the Valley song. I'm glad Peeta gave me the bread that day. Because if Peeta and I never interacted, we wouldn't be here right now. I wouldn't be so important to him.

Peeta loves me. I didn't think I'd ever fall in love before the Games, but change is in need for everyone eventually. I am in love with Peeta Mellark. And I'll never get tired of saying it. I'll never get tired of Peeta. Ever.

And Peeta and I, will never crash and burn. Because we're meant to be. And not Gale, or President Snow will stop us from being in love with one another. We're just that strong. And we're even stronger when we're together.

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**NOW! This is just a one shot. (: I would love the reviews. Please please please. :D Favorite and Follow me as well. **


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